Being sensitive to your foster child's needs during special occasions
Let’s look at how your foster child might react to special occasions and explore ways you can support them to create a positive and enjoyable experience.
Celebrating together as a family
Special occasions like birthdays, weddings, religious holidays and big family get-togethers are wonderful opportunities to bring the people in your life together to celebrate. However, for children in foster care, these big events can sometimes bring up big emotions.
Let’s explore some of the ways in which your foster child may respond to special occasions, and how you can support them to have a really happy and enjoyable experience.
The impact of trauma
Holidays can be a triggering time for children who have experienced trauma. Sadly not every child’s experiences of special events are positive ones. As such, events like birthdays and religious celebrations may remind a child of a traumatic event, or perhaps a pattern of behaviour which occurred over the years during times of celebration.
It’s important to put to use the therapeutic parenting skills you’ll gain during our training to ensure that the child in your care feels safe, nurtured and supported during special occasions. Be mindful of your young person’s mood throughout special occasions, and be prepared to make adjustments to plans to best suit their needs.
Feeling overwhelmed
Children who have experienced trauma may find themselves feeling overwhelmed during holidays. This could be for a variety of reasons, including being overwhelmed by new experiences, experiencing sensory issues, feeling uncomfortable around lots of people or because of having lots of attention placed on them.
Children may react to gifts in an unexpected way, such as by seeming ambivalent. Don’t take this to mean they are ungrateful; perhaps they aren’t used to being given presents and feel surprised or uncertain, or they may feel awkward about having a moment in the family spotlight. Be understanding of their feelings and gentle in your approach, encouraging but not pressuring them to get involved with activities.
Missing family members
Special occasions are often a time for families to get together, so it’s not surprise that they can be a hard time for children who are unable to live with their families. You may notice that children become very upset or withdrawn during your family celebrations, or even display signs of jealousy towards your own children. We can all imagine, even if we have not experienced it ourselves, how painful it must be to be separated from our loved ones.
It’s so important to be understanding during these times, giving your foster children space if they need it and encouraging them to open up about their feelings. You can help to ease their feelings of distress by supporting them to have contact with their birth families around holidays and special occasions, whether in person or over the phone. Programmes like Angel Tree, which ensure that children are able to receive presents from a parent who is in prison during the Christmas period, can also be hugely invaluable in helping children to strengthen their connection with their family members during special times.
Being overly excitable
One of the most wonderful things about family celebrations is seeing excited, happy children. Be gracious if your foster child seems to behave overly-excited during this time. Many looked after children come from homes which suffered from poverty or where they experienced neglect or poor treatment, and they may never have experienced their birthday or a special occasion to its full extent before.
Take the opportunity to revel with them in their happiness. If they have moments where they become too over-excited or overwhelmed, take some quiet time to relax with them and engage in a mindful activity like colouring or reading a story book together. Treasure this opportunity to create wonderful memories for your foster child!
Sharing different faiths
If your foster child does not share your faith and you are planning for a religious or cultural celebration, be aware of their feelings and needs. They may be excited to get involved, but may feel a little awkward or as though they don’t quite fit in. If this is the case, talk to them in advance about how you’ll be celebrating together as a family and be sure to make them feel included during celebrations.
Some children who share a different faith to your own may be uncomfortable with getting involved in celebrations which do not follow their own faith; for example, if your family chooses to celebrate Halloween but their faith teaches that the holiday is inappropriate. Religious celebrations can also be particularly challenging for children who may be questioning or rejecting their faith. This is also true for children who may have experienced religious trauma or spiritual abuse.
It’s very important to allow children to draw their own boundaries in these circumstances and decide to what degree, if at all, they want to be involved in the celebrations. Be patient and accommodating of their needs. You may choose to alter you plans slightly to help them feel comfortable or make other arrangements for them which they’d enjoy while you celebrate. For example, you could ask your family support worker to take the child out for the day to do something they love.
Are you interested in learning more about faith in fostering? Here at ACS, we’re experts in cultural matching in foster care and do all we can to ensure that children are paired with families who can best accommodate their needs. If you’re interested in learning more about fostering, contact our team today.
